October 10, 2011
I'm reading in the book of Matthew this morning. It's the gospel I had really been studying a few months ago and then got called to other parts of the Word. This morning I was drawn back. I'm in chapters 8-9 today. Something really caught my attention - as if Jesus was speaking right to me. (This is a passage I always pause at, but today it really struck me.)
Matthew 9:2-8 is the story of Jesus healing the paralytic. Jesus' words to the witnesses always makes me pause and today they seem to be spoken to me.
Jesus: "Take courage, son; your sins are forgiven."
Scribes: "This man blasphemes."
Jesus: "Why are you thinking evil in your hearts? Which is easier to say, 'Your sins are forgiven' or to say 'Get up and walk?' But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins" - then He said to the paralytic, "Get up, take your bed and go home."
...when the crowds saw this, they were awestruck, and glorified God,...
In Luke 5:18-26
v. 22 But Jesus, aware of their reasonings, answered and said to them, "Why are you reasoning in your hearts? Which is easier to say, 'Your sins have been forgiven you,' or to say 'Get up and walk'?"
...(the paralytic) went home glorifying God.
v. 26 They were all struck with astonishment and began glorifying God; and they were filled with fear saying, "We have seen remarkable things today."
In Mark 2:1-12
v. 2 And many were gathered together, so that there was no longer room, not even near the door; and He was speaking the word to them. And they came, bringing Him a paralytic, carried by four men. Being unable to get to Him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above Him; and when they had dug an opening, they let down the pallet on which the paralytic was lying.
And Jesus, seeing their faith said to the paralytic, "Son your sins are forgiven."
But some of the scribes were sitting there and reasoning in their hearts, "Why does this man speak that way? He is blaspheming; who can forgive sins but God alone?"
Immediately Jesus, aware in His spirit that they were reasoning that way within themselves, said to them, "Why are you reasoning about these things in your hearts? Which is easier to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven'; or to say, 'Get up, and pick up your pallet and walk'? But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins" - He said to the paralytic, "I say to you, get up, pick up your pallet and go home."
And he got up and immediately picked up the pallet and went out in the sight of everyone, so that they were all amazed and were glorifying God, saying "We never have seen anything like this."
In our season of waiting, I feel like The Lord is saying to me, "Which takes more faith and glorifies Me more?
-'I will heal you and restore this...trust Me'?
or
-'Here's a job'?"
God has authority to do both. But one requires far more faith. God could have gotten us out of this season long ago. He is God. But that wouldn't have grown Jason and I. It wouldn't have required a strengthening of faith. And no one would have been watching us to see how God will heal this.
And as I was writing this story from the three different gospels, I was stretched even further.
For some reason we assume God's will for our lives will be easy. And while it certainly is 'easier' than living outside of His will, no one said it's 'easy.' The whole story of digging through the roof to lower a paralytic into a crowd is not an 'easy' act of faith. Imagine carrying a grown man, on a stretcher, through dusty, crowded streets to see Jesus. When you get there, the place is packed; you can't even get yourself through the door, let alone a stretcher. Most guys would have looked at each other, over the stretcher, given the 'oh well' nod and turned around to go home. Not these men of faith. They decided to climb up on the thatch roof, WHILE CARRYING A STRETCHER!!! Then they dig through the roof, somehow lower the man down (I'm assuming with rope someone had to go find somewhere), and hope that they could get him near Jesus. I'm sure this was no easy task. But they had faith. It must have taken hours, but they knew if they were patient they could make this work and they had faith that Jesus would heal their friend. And we're not talking about healing a scrape or bruise or headache. No. These men were asking the Son of Man to restore a PARALYTIC! That takes great faith.
Although not the same, waiting for God to take us out of this season in our family is not an 'easy' act of faith.
In both Luke and Mark, people were "reasoning" in their own minds and hearts. And Jesus asked them, "Why are you reasoning in your hearts?" Luke 5:22/Mark 2:8 Jesus would say this to me. "Christie, why are you trying to reason all of this in your heart?" My reasoning falls short as a human and can only see the obvious, in-front-of-my-eyes, way of doing things. Sure, God could just give Jason a job. But by saying, "Trust Me," there is greater faith and non-human reasoning involved. All three passages speak of God's authority to work out His will - and He does. Only God has the power and right to heal our situation.
When I look at the symbolism that further ties this story to our life, I am filled with joy and hope. The paralytic man was not alone. He was "carried by four men." (Mark 2:3) Throughout all seasons of my life, and especially those that require great faith, I have never been alone. Obviously, God has always been with me. But He has always placed friends and family and fellowship around me. This season is no exception. And these people often carry me when I am too weak and paralyzed to walk on my own. Praise God for those who "carry our pallets!"
And finally, I am extremely excited by the last part of this chapter of the story. Jesus says, "I say to you, get up, pick up your pallet and go home." (Mark 2:11) And when the man immediately did this, both he and all those who witnessed this were glorifying God!
God will say "It's done. Your sins are forgiven. You are healed. Take your things and go to your (new) home." So much of this season has left me feeling paralyzed. But God will use His authority to say, "Get up, pick up your pallet and go home." He will say this to Jason and I. And when He does, others will see this chapter in the story and will glorify Him with us!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Somewhere in the Middle
September 2011
***A GIANT disclaimer is required here: These words are not my own. I'm taking the blog directly from Mark Hall, a member of Casting Crowns. All too often we listen to songs but don't listen carefully to the words. In other cases, songs speak volumes to my heart and my life. This song hits the nail on the head, and I just had to share it with you! Again, these words are not mine...but easily could/should be!
Mark Hall: "I've been in this place so many times I could design postcards. The sadness of knowing I'm not where I should be and the numbness that sets in can be devastating. But know this: God loves, heals, and restores!"
Verses that he suggests go with this song:
Revelations 2:1-5 / Galatians 2:20 / Galatians 6:7-8/ Psalm 1 / Galatians 5:1 / Matthew 16:24-26 / Isaiah 50:10 / Proverbs 14:14, 16:8 / Matthew 12:30 / 2 Corinthians 4:7-10, 5:14-17 / Philippians 3:7-11 / Revelation 3:14-21
Lyrics:
Somewhere between the hot and the cold - Somewhere between the new and the old - Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be - Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me - Somewhere between the wrong and the right - Somewhere between the darkness and the light - Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me - Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me - Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control -
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense - Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle - With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is - But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle - Are we caught in the middle -
Somewhere between my heart and my hands - Somewhere between my faith and my plans - Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves - Somewhere between a whisper and a roar - Somewhere between the altar and the door - Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more - Somewhere in the middle You'll find me - Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control - Lord I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side - Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense - Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle - With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is - But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle - Are we caught in the middle -
***A GIANT disclaimer is required here: These words are not my own. I'm taking the blog directly from Mark Hall, a member of Casting Crowns. All too often we listen to songs but don't listen carefully to the words. In other cases, songs speak volumes to my heart and my life. This song hits the nail on the head, and I just had to share it with you! Again, these words are not mine...but easily could/should be!
Mark Hall: "I've been in this place so many times I could design postcards. The sadness of knowing I'm not where I should be and the numbness that sets in can be devastating. But know this: God loves, heals, and restores!"
Verses that he suggests go with this song:
Revelations 2:1-5 / Galatians 2:20 / Galatians 6:7-8/ Psalm 1 / Galatians 5:1 / Matthew 16:24-26 / Isaiah 50:10 / Proverbs 14:14, 16:8 / Matthew 12:30 / 2 Corinthians 4:7-10, 5:14-17 / Philippians 3:7-11 / Revelation 3:14-21
Lyrics:
Somewhere between the hot and the cold - Somewhere between the new and the old - Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be - Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me - Somewhere between the wrong and the right - Somewhere between the darkness and the light - Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me - Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me - Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control -
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense - Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle - With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is - But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle - Are we caught in the middle -
Somewhere between my heart and my hands - Somewhere between my faith and my plans - Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves - Somewhere between a whisper and a roar - Somewhere between the altar and the door - Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more - Somewhere in the middle You'll find me - Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control - Lord I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side - Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense - Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle - With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is - But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle - Are we caught in the middle -
Straight from my Journal (part 2)
August 18, 2011
Pure joy! In the past few days I have been blessed by the hand of the Lord.
I first noticed His hand after a swiftly answered prayer. I had been struggling with a situation between a new friend and a group that I am a part of. As the struggle continued and this person continued to let me down, I had received instruction from someone else as to how to hand the situation. Of course nothing like this occurs in a vaccum and there was a lot of chatter and pressure surrounding the circumstance. Most, if not all, of my words and actions were prayed through. However, it eventually got to the point I had to take action. I felt awful about what I had to do, so I spent some quiet driving time praying over the situation. I wanted to love this person and treat her gently, but I knew it would not be received as such. I prayed that God would take control of the situation and somehow be glorified in the midst of such junk.
After arriving back home, I began cooking and drafting the letter that I was instructed to write, in my head. Five minutes later, a friend called. She asked if I had written the certified letter yet. When I explained I was still praying through it, she said I didn't need to; the situation had been resolved (the person had resigned). Praise God! He had answered my prayer! (Not that I had asked for that solution...just a solution.) He sees me and His hand was on me! - There was/is still "fall-out" from the situation, but I know God has it all under control!
Pure joy has filled me through my children, the past few days. Even in the midst of tough parenting, rough community/social circumstances, roller-coaster faith and hope, and pure mental exhaustion, I have been bursting with the joy living and loving my children brings.
We've had some really great, bright, sunny weather the past few days. This always brightens our moods. The other day I filled up the kids' pool and decided I would put on my suit too! Zach didn't want to get in, at first, so it was just Sarah, Anna and Mommy. We were dancing and singing in the water and had the most silly, fun time. It was so beautiful outside and I was just in awe of the girls' smiles and how beautiful they were. Eventually, Zach joined us and I was just struck by how happy and joyful I was to play with them and just stand back and watch them splash and laugh and play. Pure Joy! All the yuck and trial faded as I was overcome with the feeling of blessing and true love for my family. Only God can fill someone in such a way that can overcome all the crap in my life, right now.
And now I find myself looking for this joy all the time. I have been so distracted by trials, tribulations, and this never-ending season that I have missed a lot of opportunities for joy. I've caught glimpses of joy, but not as fully as I've experienced it lately. What the enemy has tried to rob from me, the Lord has restored and brought the victory.
We've spent afternoons by the lakes, and I've been able to just relax and enjoy my family. The area we live in is so amazing. It is the perfect back drop for enjoying my children and husband.
Another situation that showed the hand of God actually happened to Jason. He was sitting at the stop light just outside of Mossyrock, waiting to cross Highway 12. When he looked over, a log truck was trying to stop for the light, but was going too fast. It jack-knifed and the trailer was sliding through the dirt and ditch - right at Jason! If he would have stayed put, if he had not seen the trailer, he would have been hit by the log trailer. But God let him see it in time and he backed up and out of the way. Praise God and His perfect, mighty hand. His hands are clearly on my family.
Today's joy comes from the arrival of Evelyn Grace. I came down to Portland early this morning. Nicole's water was broken, and now we wait in anticipation for Evelyn. For me, this is exciting and joyful. The birth of babies are on the the greatest miracles and I can never get enough birth-days. ....Joy!
Pure joy! In the past few days I have been blessed by the hand of the Lord.
I first noticed His hand after a swiftly answered prayer. I had been struggling with a situation between a new friend and a group that I am a part of. As the struggle continued and this person continued to let me down, I had received instruction from someone else as to how to hand the situation. Of course nothing like this occurs in a vaccum and there was a lot of chatter and pressure surrounding the circumstance. Most, if not all, of my words and actions were prayed through. However, it eventually got to the point I had to take action. I felt awful about what I had to do, so I spent some quiet driving time praying over the situation. I wanted to love this person and treat her gently, but I knew it would not be received as such. I prayed that God would take control of the situation and somehow be glorified in the midst of such junk.
After arriving back home, I began cooking and drafting the letter that I was instructed to write, in my head. Five minutes later, a friend called. She asked if I had written the certified letter yet. When I explained I was still praying through it, she said I didn't need to; the situation had been resolved (the person had resigned). Praise God! He had answered my prayer! (Not that I had asked for that solution...just a solution.) He sees me and His hand was on me! - There was/is still "fall-out" from the situation, but I know God has it all under control!
Pure joy has filled me through my children, the past few days. Even in the midst of tough parenting, rough community/social circumstances, roller-coaster faith and hope, and pure mental exhaustion, I have been bursting with the joy living and loving my children brings.
We've had some really great, bright, sunny weather the past few days. This always brightens our moods. The other day I filled up the kids' pool and decided I would put on my suit too! Zach didn't want to get in, at first, so it was just Sarah, Anna and Mommy. We were dancing and singing in the water and had the most silly, fun time. It was so beautiful outside and I was just in awe of the girls' smiles and how beautiful they were. Eventually, Zach joined us and I was just struck by how happy and joyful I was to play with them and just stand back and watch them splash and laugh and play. Pure Joy! All the yuck and trial faded as I was overcome with the feeling of blessing and true love for my family. Only God can fill someone in such a way that can overcome all the crap in my life, right now.
And now I find myself looking for this joy all the time. I have been so distracted by trials, tribulations, and this never-ending season that I have missed a lot of opportunities for joy. I've caught glimpses of joy, but not as fully as I've experienced it lately. What the enemy has tried to rob from me, the Lord has restored and brought the victory.
We've spent afternoons by the lakes, and I've been able to just relax and enjoy my family. The area we live in is so amazing. It is the perfect back drop for enjoying my children and husband.
Another situation that showed the hand of God actually happened to Jason. He was sitting at the stop light just outside of Mossyrock, waiting to cross Highway 12. When he looked over, a log truck was trying to stop for the light, but was going too fast. It jack-knifed and the trailer was sliding through the dirt and ditch - right at Jason! If he would have stayed put, if he had not seen the trailer, he would have been hit by the log trailer. But God let him see it in time and he backed up and out of the way. Praise God and His perfect, mighty hand. His hands are clearly on my family.
Today's joy comes from the arrival of Evelyn Grace. I came down to Portland early this morning. Nicole's water was broken, and now we wait in anticipation for Evelyn. For me, this is exciting and joyful. The birth of babies are on the the greatest miracles and I can never get enough birth-days. ....Joy!
Catching Up
I realize it has been a long time since I've actually sat down to the computer to blog. Yesterday, while chatting with a dear friend, I was encouraged that it's time to catch up. I have three blogs I have been planning to post. I just haven't gotten around to it. So today I will attempt to catch up. You'll have to note the date at the beginning of each blog to gain perspective on when it was actually composed.
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Straight from my journal (Part 1)
For several days now I have felt the attack of the enemy. I feel exhausted and done. And I've even had moments of hopeless fear; thoughts that this will never end and we will be stuck like this forever. My heart and soul knows these are lies, but they continue to wear on me.
To add insult to injury, life has just been really tough for several days now. People around me fighting, my family not getting along, my parents judging my parenting, my personal struggle with parenting, my parents and myself clearly done with our living arrangement, constant reminders of our poverty (including cashiers laughing and commenting on my WIC checks and a lady showing me a chart with just how far below the poverty level we are. - I actually started crying right there in her office when I saw that although we were excited to make $xx this month, poverty for a family of 5 is over four times that. That was a low moment.), waiting for Jason to get a phone call @ employment, days of Jason and I not treating each other well, constant Mommy chores and obligations, no time for friends or even just myself...on and on etc. I'm just feeling done.
But I continue to look to the Lord. It's all I have, right now, and that's O.K. I know without any doubt that is what He wants of me. It's been a struggle to stay focused, but I know that is because of the enemy's attacks - and he will not defeat me.
Many of my family and friends are struggling and being attacked, as well. Everyone I talk to is struggling with life right now. It makes me think that we are near to the the good stuff - we are in the darkness before the dawn. Satan is really trying to get us before God's victory. And I've been speaking this to those around me. Some had not considered this before and are encouraged by such words. Another friend pointed out to me that God brought several believers to Mossyrock for a reason. As our relationships build, the enemy is threatened and fighting. But God will bring the victory. Those words encouraged me.
I was also reminded/shown how blessed I am, relationally, even in this season. I have people around me who can empathize and care about me. And I'm fortunate to have people around me who can speak God's truth into my life. Praise Him! - for surrounding me with not only ways to serve and glorify Him, but also believers to speak Truth into my life. Praise Him!
Yet even with all my blessings and provision and knowledge that God has a plan and is using me, I continue to struggle. Why? Why do I struggle when I know the truth? Why am I fearing what lies ahead? Why do I worry? I feel so selfish, ungrateful, and unfaithful. Why do I keep feeling like, and playing, the victim? Why?
This morning God brought me to Psalm 25:1-5
To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in You I trust,
Do not let me be ashamed;
Do not let my enemies exult over me.
Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be
ashamed.
Those who deal treacherously without cause will be
ashamed.
Make me know Your ways, O Lord;
Teach me Your paths.
Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
For You I wait all the day.
Then to Psalm 24, which speaks of the Lord's earth and His creation of all within it. If God has created everything, then surely His hand is at work in my life. Psalm 24 also, repeatedly, names Him the "King of glory." He is NOT the king of tribulation or trials; but the King of Glory. And since I know He will bring victory, I know it will be glorious! This removes thoughts that it will always be like this. He is the King of Glory! He will bring victory and glory to this season.
God reminded me of another hopeless season of my life - Jason and my separation. That was a trial that, by all worldly standards, had no hope. Even I was feeling the enemy might win. -May it never be so! God always brings victory. That trial and the sins of that season were not of our King. But He is the King of glory and He was glorified by the victory of that season. God doesn't change. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He brought victory and glory before, and He will again.
Psalm 25:15
My eyes are continually toward the Lord,
For He will pluck my feet out of the net.
Psalm 24:10
Who is the King of glory?
The Lord of hosts,
He is the King of glory.
Psalm 21:11 (speaks of the enemy)
Though they intended evil against You
And devised a plot,
They will not succeed.
Psalm 19 - Glorifying God
Psalm 20 - Victory in The Name
Psalm 21-God's Lovingkindness
Psalm 22 - Affliction
Psalm 27:13-14
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would
see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.
To add insult to injury, life has just been really tough for several days now. People around me fighting, my family not getting along, my parents judging my parenting, my personal struggle with parenting, my parents and myself clearly done with our living arrangement, constant reminders of our poverty (including cashiers laughing and commenting on my WIC checks and a lady showing me a chart with just how far below the poverty level we are. - I actually started crying right there in her office when I saw that although we were excited to make $xx this month, poverty for a family of 5 is over four times that. That was a low moment.), waiting for Jason to get a phone call @ employment, days of Jason and I not treating each other well, constant Mommy chores and obligations, no time for friends or even just myself...on and on etc. I'm just feeling done.
But I continue to look to the Lord. It's all I have, right now, and that's O.K. I know without any doubt that is what He wants of me. It's been a struggle to stay focused, but I know that is because of the enemy's attacks - and he will not defeat me.
Many of my family and friends are struggling and being attacked, as well. Everyone I talk to is struggling with life right now. It makes me think that we are near to the the good stuff - we are in the darkness before the dawn. Satan is really trying to get us before God's victory. And I've been speaking this to those around me. Some had not considered this before and are encouraged by such words. Another friend pointed out to me that God brought several believers to Mossyrock for a reason. As our relationships build, the enemy is threatened and fighting. But God will bring the victory. Those words encouraged me.
I was also reminded/shown how blessed I am, relationally, even in this season. I have people around me who can empathize and care about me. And I'm fortunate to have people around me who can speak God's truth into my life. Praise Him! - for surrounding me with not only ways to serve and glorify Him, but also believers to speak Truth into my life. Praise Him!
Yet even with all my blessings and provision and knowledge that God has a plan and is using me, I continue to struggle. Why? Why do I struggle when I know the truth? Why am I fearing what lies ahead? Why do I worry? I feel so selfish, ungrateful, and unfaithful. Why do I keep feeling like, and playing, the victim? Why?
This morning God brought me to Psalm 25:1-5
To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in You I trust,
Do not let me be ashamed;
Do not let my enemies exult over me.
Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be
ashamed.
Those who deal treacherously without cause will be
ashamed.
Make me know Your ways, O Lord;
Teach me Your paths.
Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
For You I wait all the day.
Then to Psalm 24, which speaks of the Lord's earth and His creation of all within it. If God has created everything, then surely His hand is at work in my life. Psalm 24 also, repeatedly, names Him the "King of glory." He is NOT the king of tribulation or trials; but the King of Glory. And since I know He will bring victory, I know it will be glorious! This removes thoughts that it will always be like this. He is the King of Glory! He will bring victory and glory to this season.
God reminded me of another hopeless season of my life - Jason and my separation. That was a trial that, by all worldly standards, had no hope. Even I was feeling the enemy might win. -May it never be so! God always brings victory. That trial and the sins of that season were not of our King. But He is the King of glory and He was glorified by the victory of that season. God doesn't change. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He brought victory and glory before, and He will again.
Psalm 25:15
My eyes are continually toward the Lord,
For He will pluck my feet out of the net.
Psalm 24:10
Who is the King of glory?
The Lord of hosts,
He is the King of glory.
Psalm 21:11 (speaks of the enemy)
Though they intended evil against You
And devised a plot,
They will not succeed.
Psalm 19 - Glorifying God
Psalm 20 - Victory in The Name
Psalm 21-God's Lovingkindness
Psalm 22 - Affliction
Psalm 27:13-14
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would
see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.
Two New "Series"
I've had a couple of "series" ideas on the brain and think I will add them to my blog. Both will be pretty raw and straight from the heart. I guess I'm warning you they won't be as polished or edited, but they will still be prayed through.
The first is called "Thoughts from the Shower" (possible tag line: what better time for God to kick my ass, than when it's bear?)
The second, "Straight from my Journal." This will be literally, straight from my journal...just as I wrote it. For now, it will be my current journal entries - as I feel called to share them. But my hope is that in the future I will go into my past and share some old journal entries (maybe I should say my fear is that in the future...).
Hopefully both new "series" will be good reading, helpful, and glorify God's work in my life (and yours too!).
Enjoy!
The first is called "Thoughts from the Shower" (possible tag line: what better time for God to kick my ass, than when it's bear?)
The second, "Straight from my Journal." This will be literally, straight from my journal...just as I wrote it. For now, it will be my current journal entries - as I feel called to share them. But my hope is that in the future I will go into my past and share some old journal entries (maybe I should say my fear is that in the future...).
Hopefully both new "series" will be good reading, helpful, and glorify God's work in my life (and yours too!).
Enjoy!
Friday, July 22, 2011
I am a nerd.
I am a nerd. I really enjoy the game Sudoku. I play it almost daily, and often have a difficult time putting it down. It's one of the few, quiet activities I have that is just mine. I used to wonder what the attraction was. Why is Sudoku calming for me? How is it that is can hold my interest for long periods of time? And then a couple of weeks ago, I suddenly realized my 'addiction' to this game...it makes sense! Sudoku makes sense! In a world that never does and trials I can't explain, this simple game uses reasoning and is solvable. When a solution is reached it makes sense and fits into a nice box. Yay! For someone like me, a nice 'box' of reasoning is sometimes just what I need.
Much of life doesn't make sense. Trials, most often, do not make sense when you are living through them. I know I've written about the bigger picture. And I know there is one. But when you are living through a series of trials, you'll do whatever you can to make sense of it all. I toss and turn our trials around in my brain, trying to find reason. All too often I just can't. Why would a family allow itself to fall apart over 'stuff?' Why do people lie and then think others are buying into their crap? Why are babies born to mothers who aren't ready or will abandon them while other women long, so desperately, to hold a child of their own? Why do some marriages survive while others disintegrate and fall apart? How is it that children have to be harmed before we step in to improve their life? How do some projects and obligations affect us (and those around us) so drastically? Why are people taken from us so quickly and so unexpectedly? Why do people continue to burn their bridges and never stop to think? How is it that I know this is what I'm meant to walk through and yet I'm still so tired by it all? How is it that it just never stops?
Unlike Sudoku, life doesn't make sense. There isn't a nice, neat little box filled with a logical solution. We can't re-arrange circumstances or trials, like numbers in a game, until there is a logical answer. No. All too often there are no obvious answers and nothing makes sense.
During trials I often feel eyes on me. Like living in a fishbowl, people watch to see how "that Christian" is going to react. What will she do now? What is she going to say about this trial? Huh? The truth is, I don't have the answers. I too struggle to make sense of life. I hurt too. I don't have a nice, neat 'box' that holds the solution that people want to hear. I'm sorry. I just don't. And really, you should be glad.
When people watch "that Christian," their soul is looking for Truth. They want answers for all these life questions. And while they are close, they are looking at the wrong person. Instead of looking to another human, they should be looking to The One who does have the answers; God.
The fact is life is full of trials. In the book of James, chapter 1 verse 2 says, "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,..." (NISB)(bold italics are mine). It doesn't say if you encounter trials, but when. And even "that Christian" faces afflictions and tribulations. No one is exempt. And life is not a game. There is no quick, nice and neat solution. These trials lead to actual, sometime unbearable, discomfort. There have been times when my body feels physically uncomfortable. I long for relief and none comes. This, too, is part of life. And dare I say that's a good thing? Because as soon as we become comfortable in this life and these trials, we stop longing for the better that lies ahead.
Only One has the answers. He is the Answer. And to Him, this all makes sense. We just have to trust that His solution is perfect.
Verses that Help:
Much of life doesn't make sense. Trials, most often, do not make sense when you are living through them. I know I've written about the bigger picture. And I know there is one. But when you are living through a series of trials, you'll do whatever you can to make sense of it all. I toss and turn our trials around in my brain, trying to find reason. All too often I just can't. Why would a family allow itself to fall apart over 'stuff?' Why do people lie and then think others are buying into their crap? Why are babies born to mothers who aren't ready or will abandon them while other women long, so desperately, to hold a child of their own? Why do some marriages survive while others disintegrate and fall apart? How is it that children have to be harmed before we step in to improve their life? How do some projects and obligations affect us (and those around us) so drastically? Why are people taken from us so quickly and so unexpectedly? Why do people continue to burn their bridges and never stop to think? How is it that I know this is what I'm meant to walk through and yet I'm still so tired by it all? How is it that it just never stops?
Unlike Sudoku, life doesn't make sense. There isn't a nice, neat little box filled with a logical solution. We can't re-arrange circumstances or trials, like numbers in a game, until there is a logical answer. No. All too often there are no obvious answers and nothing makes sense.
During trials I often feel eyes on me. Like living in a fishbowl, people watch to see how "that Christian" is going to react. What will she do now? What is she going to say about this trial? Huh? The truth is, I don't have the answers. I too struggle to make sense of life. I hurt too. I don't have a nice, neat 'box' that holds the solution that people want to hear. I'm sorry. I just don't. And really, you should be glad.
When people watch "that Christian," their soul is looking for Truth. They want answers for all these life questions. And while they are close, they are looking at the wrong person. Instead of looking to another human, they should be looking to The One who does have the answers; God.
The fact is life is full of trials. In the book of James, chapter 1 verse 2 says, "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,..." (NISB)(bold italics are mine). It doesn't say if you encounter trials, but when. And even "that Christian" faces afflictions and tribulations. No one is exempt. And life is not a game. There is no quick, nice and neat solution. These trials lead to actual, sometime unbearable, discomfort. There have been times when my body feels physically uncomfortable. I long for relief and none comes. This, too, is part of life. And dare I say that's a good thing? Because as soon as we become comfortable in this life and these trials, we stop longing for the better that lies ahead.
Only One has the answers. He is the Answer. And to Him, this all makes sense. We just have to trust that His solution is perfect.
Verses that Help:
- Proverbs 3:5
- 2 Corinthians 5:1-8
- James 1 (specifically 1:3-4)
- 2 Corinthians 1:1-12
- Isaiah 40:29-31
- Psalm 33 (specifically 33:20-22)
- Psalm 46:1-2+
- Ephesians 2:10
- Luke 1:36-37
- Genesis 15-21 (Story of Abram and Sarai) (Nothing is impossible with God - even when it doesn't makes sense.)
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