I have been completely humbled by the past few days of my life. I guess I am not even sure if humble is an accurate description. Awe? Overwhelmed? Amazed? Maybe there are no words. (Being a person who need a described "box," I struggle with this reality.)
My pain and struggle has meaning. For a few years - about eight - it felt like I was in a constant state of struggle, waiting, and pain. I dealt with hurt, anger, striving to no avail, and more unknowns and questions than I thought I could handle. Veil removed: Life was hard. I battled depression and anxiety at the peak of their debilitation.
But Grace has prevailed! God is good. I say this not to brag, but to glorify and bring hope to whatever you are facing. Nothing is bigger than the hope and greatness of God.
Earthly life will never completely satisfy. However, I am blessed and overwhelmed by where I am. I have an amazing help-mate, friend, and love. Jason and I are a pretty dang good couple. I am happy and excited about our marriage. We are lucky enough to get to steward three amazing children. And the stages of life they are in are amazing. I am loving this season of parenthood. I deeply love our children. We have a fabulous family. Blessed. Our new church family is wonderful and we are excited about the mission God has for us. Longview, oddly enough, is becoming our community. Jason and I have had our hearts broken for this town. I love that we are embedded here and are making meaningful relationships. And, finally, I have a wonderful career.
I've never, ever hidden my passion for education and teaching. It is part of my identity. I know I am created for this. And currently, it is taking a new shape with new opportunities to be a voice for loving and doing what is best for children. I am beyond excited!
And so, when I arrived, this week, at the National Title I convention, I was struck and humbled by my current circumstances. I get to travel and share ideas and strategies in education. I get to take my experiences, couple it with my passion and profession and live on mission in our public schools. Supported by my family and friends, I am entering a new season. I am so excited and undeserving and grateful! God is so good!
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart."
Friday, February 6, 2015
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Victory or epic fail?
I am a wife. I am a mom. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a teacher. I am a coach. I am the head of this/coordinator of that/lifetime member of.... I am a ......
Why is it that I have a real urge to continue telling you who I am? Why is it that, as women, we feel we need to be a million things or we just aren't cutting it? (By the way my list really does continue.) Doesn't it feel like a competition? If we don't have our "plates" full, we just aren't being a real woman, right?
Why is that? Is this who we were designed to be? I don't think so. I think I can safely say that we were designed for so much more. But I do not believe that the "more" is a longer list of obligations or roles.
I am guilty of this. Very guilty. I have a real disability when it comes to saying, "I'm sorry, no." In the fall, a friend of mine and I committed to saying "no" so that we would only give our very best "yes." Have I held up to this ideal? Pretty sure that is a negative. In fact, this post was inspired by a thought that was running through my head, this evening. "Technological victory or epic fail? I was "able" to attend/participate in a webinar-conference call while I was home, sick, in bed." Why couldn't I just skip it and listen to the recording later?
All around me I am watching women try to keep up. Seeing and hearing these women wear themselves out is really heart breaking. Many are at the ends of their ropes. They logistically have exhausted every minute and hour of the day with their roles. With the many demands and obligations and the feeling of overwhelming hopelessness at accomplishing everything, the self worth of women is sinking a slow death. My hearts aches as I watch.
I feel like this is becoming the great lie of the day. Our enemy is using this lie to wear us down. If we, as women, feel we need to 'be this' and 'do that' in order to have value, we will just continue to pile it all on. And as we continue to stack and try to balance, we inevitably wear down. We become grouchy, rushed people with no time to invest in valuable areas of our lives; His presence and relationship, children, spouses, friends, community, etc. And as we, the women in our homes, schools, and communities, wear down, things around us begin to deteriorate and the over all emotional barometer drops. This deterioration can cause problems in our homes, with our marriages, in our use of substances, our eating habits, and our walk with God. Then the enemy has us right where he wants us, right? He can continue to tear away the fabric of our true identity.
It is time to call out this lie. If you consider the "pile" we place on ourselves, what is the root cause? So we can look better? Sound better? Be just like ___________? Why? Many of our roles and obligations may just be rooted in a lie. The reality is that no one is going to instantly lower their opinion of you if you have to say, "No thank you. I'm busy." Or "No thank you, I can't." Or my favorite, "I'm sorry. No. That's our family night." In fact many woman would probably be a tad bit envious that you actually were able to say no.
We don't need these obligations and roles to create our identity. Our identity is grounded in our creation. God perfectly formed us AND our identity. That is really all we need to look to.
I am not suggesting you relinquish all your roles. And I certainly don't want you to move the parent/wife/family role off your plate; "Sorry kids, I'm downsizing my obligations. I will no longer be serving as your mother." Please hear me. Some of our roles are very much a part of our identity.
If you are interested, here are some verses to consider:
-Genesis 1:27 -Jeremiah 1:5 -1 Corinthians 12:27 -1 Peter 2:9 -Colossians 3:1-3
-Romans 12:2 -Ephesians 4:24 -Romans 8:16-17 -Proverbs 31:25-26 -Colossians 3:12
"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved..."
Earlier, I mentioned saying "no" to give my best "yes." This is not my idea. I heard it on a commentary. But I love the premise. If we over-commit and over-extend ourselves, we can't stay true to the roles God has for us. Imagine how much better and more effective we could be, in our identities, if we filtered what we said "yes" to. It just makes sense. We only have a few hours in a day. If we divide those hours up for too many roles, we can't do any of them the justice they deserve. Instead, let's filter: is this a role for me? Does this match my identity (each unique to us specifically)? Can I give this the time and energy it deserves? Only say "yes" if you truly mean it! No more wearing ourselves out! No more losing our true identities in what we feel we should show the world. Instead, show them our best and glorify Him. The outcome will be so much more fruitful.
Why is it that I have a real urge to continue telling you who I am? Why is it that, as women, we feel we need to be a million things or we just aren't cutting it? (By the way my list really does continue.) Doesn't it feel like a competition? If we don't have our "plates" full, we just aren't being a real woman, right?
Why is that? Is this who we were designed to be? I don't think so. I think I can safely say that we were designed for so much more. But I do not believe that the "more" is a longer list of obligations or roles.
I am guilty of this. Very guilty. I have a real disability when it comes to saying, "I'm sorry, no." In the fall, a friend of mine and I committed to saying "no" so that we would only give our very best "yes." Have I held up to this ideal? Pretty sure that is a negative. In fact, this post was inspired by a thought that was running through my head, this evening. "Technological victory or epic fail? I was "able" to attend/participate in a webinar-conference call while I was home, sick, in bed." Why couldn't I just skip it and listen to the recording later?
All around me I am watching women try to keep up. Seeing and hearing these women wear themselves out is really heart breaking. Many are at the ends of their ropes. They logistically have exhausted every minute and hour of the day with their roles. With the many demands and obligations and the feeling of overwhelming hopelessness at accomplishing everything, the self worth of women is sinking a slow death. My hearts aches as I watch.
I feel like this is becoming the great lie of the day. Our enemy is using this lie to wear us down. If we, as women, feel we need to 'be this' and 'do that' in order to have value, we will just continue to pile it all on. And as we continue to stack and try to balance, we inevitably wear down. We become grouchy, rushed people with no time to invest in valuable areas of our lives; His presence and relationship, children, spouses, friends, community, etc. And as we, the women in our homes, schools, and communities, wear down, things around us begin to deteriorate and the over all emotional barometer drops. This deterioration can cause problems in our homes, with our marriages, in our use of substances, our eating habits, and our walk with God. Then the enemy has us right where he wants us, right? He can continue to tear away the fabric of our true identity.
It is time to call out this lie. If you consider the "pile" we place on ourselves, what is the root cause? So we can look better? Sound better? Be just like ___________? Why? Many of our roles and obligations may just be rooted in a lie. The reality is that no one is going to instantly lower their opinion of you if you have to say, "No thank you. I'm busy." Or "No thank you, I can't." Or my favorite, "I'm sorry. No. That's our family night." In fact many woman would probably be a tad bit envious that you actually were able to say no.
We don't need these obligations and roles to create our identity. Our identity is grounded in our creation. God perfectly formed us AND our identity. That is really all we need to look to.
I am not suggesting you relinquish all your roles. And I certainly don't want you to move the parent/wife/family role off your plate; "Sorry kids, I'm downsizing my obligations. I will no longer be serving as your mother." Please hear me. Some of our roles are very much a part of our identity.
If you are interested, here are some verses to consider:
-Genesis 1:27 -Jeremiah 1:5 -1 Corinthians 12:27 -1 Peter 2:9 -Colossians 3:1-3
-Romans 12:2 -Ephesians 4:24 -Romans 8:16-17 -Proverbs 31:25-26 -Colossians 3:12
"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved..."
Earlier, I mentioned saying "no" to give my best "yes." This is not my idea. I heard it on a commentary. But I love the premise. If we over-commit and over-extend ourselves, we can't stay true to the roles God has for us. Imagine how much better and more effective we could be, in our identities, if we filtered what we said "yes" to. It just makes sense. We only have a few hours in a day. If we divide those hours up for too many roles, we can't do any of them the justice they deserve. Instead, let's filter: is this a role for me? Does this match my identity (each unique to us specifically)? Can I give this the time and energy it deserves? Only say "yes" if you truly mean it! No more wearing ourselves out! No more losing our true identities in what we feel we should show the world. Instead, show them our best and glorify Him. The outcome will be so much more fruitful.
There comes a time...
There comes a time when you can no longer ignore the whispering in your heart. So many times, since my rough seasons, I have contemplated restarting my blog. It appears I even tried in 2013 to restart my writing. Ummmm....yeah.
Well, with so much change and still so much to say, I thought it might be time to be obedient to the Whisper.
The theme of the blog may look a little different. I even thought about changing to a new blog all together. But I still feel like we walk in this "masquerade." I still feel as though women are often lied to and made to feel so alone. And I still think I will share and discuss some raw thoughts that just need someone to unveil them. So the name remains.
I only hope I can do justice to my call; to glorify Him.
Well, with so much change and still so much to say, I thought it might be time to be obedient to the Whisper.
The theme of the blog may look a little different. I even thought about changing to a new blog all together. But I still feel like we walk in this "masquerade." I still feel as though women are often lied to and made to feel so alone. And I still think I will share and discuss some raw thoughts that just need someone to unveil them. So the name remains.
I only hope I can do justice to my call; to glorify Him.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Promise
Really Lord? You can’t be serious. I just don’t want to go back that far. We are healed and that memory only brings pain. Why would you want me to go back that far?
I think He knows there is someone who needs to hear and see this part of my story. Someone who reads this blog is struggling right now, and needs to know they are not alone. God heals. So here we go….
Straight from my journal:
I. I feel doubtful
A. Often fell let down or like God isn’t going to heal/help
1. Remember God in the past
2. He’s always worked things out perfectly-according to His plan (even when it didn’t seem that way at the time)
a.) In my life
b.) Biblically
II. Little Faith
A. Matthew 14:22-33 and Luke 8:22-25
B. Sometimes doubt and little faith brings forth larger faith when what we doubt or think is impossible comes to pass.
C. Lately, I doubted that my marriage can or will be healed. But I know with as impossible as it seems, it will build faith and be a great testimony when it is.
III. “This is Faith…” (Cynthia Heald)
A. Trusting God with my past, present and future even though, logically, I should trust no one but myself.
1. *** Help my unbelief, Lord*** (Mark 9:24 )
Walking by Faith
I. Personally, this is something I struggle with every day. I have faith that God can restore my marriage. I know He can. My faith is often wavering on the idea of whether or not He will. I feel God has shown me several times that He will heal my marriage. However, in this world and with Satan’s torment, it is hard for me to keep this faith. Some days I am very comforted, confident, and at peace with the promise that God will heal my marriage. And other days, the world discourages me and/or Satan plays on my doubts, fears, and hurts that I have. I wish my heart and my faith could stay consistently strong in trusting the Lord to heal this.
IV. Eyes on the Lord – Philippians 3:1-14
A. Put no confidence in the flesh
1. I have done this several times throughout my life and, specifically, throughout this season.
2. Only to be disappointed
3. My confidence needs to be only in Christ
***As I’m sharing these raw journal entries with you, a couple of things have come to mind. First, please be aware that our children know nothing of this season. At this point in their lives, they have no need to know. If you need to talk with me about these topics or if you have children that are friends with my children, please be very discreet and careful. This blog is not meant for gossip, but for glorifying the Lord. Second, this next entry involves my contemplating suicide. This, too, is an extremely sensitive topic and was quite a powerful experience. Please know these words don’t do that day justice. Also know that I am completely healed and safe. Truly! No need to call in any authorities. ***
I have been feeling such anxiety lately. With this season continuing and the passing of Grandma, no end seems to be in sight.
Grandma died on Thursday. And while we knew it was coming, I guess I wasn’t prepared. I love Grandma so much. And she went from independent to nursing care to death; all in two months. I regret that she didn’t see more of Zach’s growing up, that she didn’t get to see a restored relationship with Jason and I, and …..(even 7 years later I can’t write my other regrets).
Last Saturday I battled Satan, personally. My logical mind knows that this whole season is very spiritual – especially the warfare. I was just feeling so depressed and anxious. I felt like I just couldn’t take any more pressure. Zach was just fine, with my family, so I took a drive. The last thing I wanted to do was worry my mother any more. But I also knew I was so uncomfortable that I needed to scream.
I drove out to the lake and just parked my car. I know I needed to pray and spend time with God, but I just couldn’t get comfortable or focused enough. The only way I can describe it is pure discomfort and an actual weight. It all just felt so heavy!
And then Satan started putting terrible lies, hurts, and thoughts in my head- STRONG negative thoughts about my marriage, motherhood, and my over all self-worth. I was so scared! (Looking back and reading this entry, I never really said the words suicide or death. I think I worried about any future family that may pick up my journal someday. But I remember it as clear as day: if I just put my foot on the gas pedal…no one would miss me for a while….Zach is better off with your family than with you…Jason doesn’t care….no one would care…..etc.)
So I just called him (Satan) out on it and started yelling at him. I told him to leave Jason and me alone. I claimed Jason, our marriage, and our family for God. I reminded Satan that he was fighting a losing battle, and the end result is guaranteed. I also pointed out that the worse he makes it, the bigger of a testament it would be to God when I/we were restored. I know we will use this season for the Kingdom. And (un)fortunately, the harder and more impossible it becomes, the better of a testimony we’ll have.
I also stopped several times to pray and ask for strength and guidance. God told me to use the Word. So I reminded Satan that God hates divorce (Malachi) and that salvation is irrevocable (Isaiah 51:6).
After much discussion and prayer, I left my spot feeling renewed and feeling the weight lifted. My faith in God was strengthened, and I felt confident, again, that God is going to heal my marriage.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Let's Back Up
This morning I sit at the computer, with journals in hand. I am trying to find the journal where the “story” gets good and glorifies the Lord. However, in order to find it I am shifting through some of the really tough stuff. I keep reading this roller coaster of pain and leaning into the Lord and peace in the midst of pain. There are many journals filled with the season in Silver Creek. I can’t ignore them. Something is telling me to sift through and share them with you.
I think this might be wise. I know I have several friends who are wondering how I landed in Longview
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Long time, no blog...
I cannot believe that my last post was over a year and a half ago!!!!! Time flies. But something, or Someone, is calling me back. My story continues and there is so much to tell.
As I read my last post, I was overwhelmed by how much has changed and how far we've come. I was in awe as I read. I couldn't believe that I had written those posts. That seems like a different person, in a different time. But the tensions, struggles, and pain of previous seasons came rushing back. And although it seems long ago, really it hasn't been that long in the great span of time.
I have so much to share with those who follow this blog......SO MUCH! Part of me can't wait and the other part is hesitant to share. When you live something, sometimes you don't see the value in it. But everytime I give even a piece of my story, people are amazed. So I'm sure there must be some value in what I can share.
And maybe there's some selfishness to it. Sharing my story gives purpose to difficult seasons and brings further healing. I'm sure there are many who have asked, "why me?" This story and the telling of it gives meaning and value.
The unselfish part is this. I have a heart for people. I truly love people. And I know, all too well, the feeling that we are in this "alone." Nothing is worse than feeling like no one can understand. But I've been in many crazy situations, and I can understand. I love you. And if I can come alongside you and help with words, I will.
So here I am. Ready to continue this story. You may want to hold on, it gets crazy!
As I read my last post, I was overwhelmed by how much has changed and how far we've come. I was in awe as I read. I couldn't believe that I had written those posts. That seems like a different person, in a different time. But the tensions, struggles, and pain of previous seasons came rushing back. And although it seems long ago, really it hasn't been that long in the great span of time.
I have so much to share with those who follow this blog......SO MUCH! Part of me can't wait and the other part is hesitant to share. When you live something, sometimes you don't see the value in it. But everytime I give even a piece of my story, people are amazed. So I'm sure there must be some value in what I can share.
And maybe there's some selfishness to it. Sharing my story gives purpose to difficult seasons and brings further healing. I'm sure there are many who have asked, "why me?" This story and the telling of it gives meaning and value.
The unselfish part is this. I have a heart for people. I truly love people. And I know, all too well, the feeling that we are in this "alone." Nothing is worse than feeling like no one can understand. But I've been in many crazy situations, and I can understand. I love you. And if I can come alongside you and help with words, I will.
So here I am. Ready to continue this story. You may want to hold on, it gets crazy!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Paralyzed - Straight from my Journal (sort of...)
October 10, 2011
I'm reading in the book of Matthew this morning. It's the gospel I had really been studying a few months ago and then got called to other parts of the Word. This morning I was drawn back. I'm in chapters 8-9 today. Something really caught my attention - as if Jesus was speaking right to me. (This is a passage I always pause at, but today it really struck me.)
Matthew 9:2-8 is the story of Jesus healing the paralytic. Jesus' words to the witnesses always makes me pause and today they seem to be spoken to me.
Jesus: "Take courage, son; your sins are forgiven."
Scribes: "This man blasphemes."
Jesus: "Why are you thinking evil in your hearts? Which is easier to say, 'Your sins are forgiven' or to say 'Get up and walk?' But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins" - then He said to the paralytic, "Get up, take your bed and go home."
...when the crowds saw this, they were awestruck, and glorified God,...
In Luke 5:18-26
v. 22 But Jesus, aware of their reasonings, answered and said to them, "Why are you reasoning in your hearts? Which is easier to say, 'Your sins have been forgiven you,' or to say 'Get up and walk'?"
...(the paralytic) went home glorifying God.
v. 26 They were all struck with astonishment and began glorifying God; and they were filled with fear saying, "We have seen remarkable things today."
In Mark 2:1-12
v. 2 And many were gathered together, so that there was no longer room, not even near the door; and He was speaking the word to them. And they came, bringing Him a paralytic, carried by four men. Being unable to get to Him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above Him; and when they had dug an opening, they let down the pallet on which the paralytic was lying.
And Jesus, seeing their faith said to the paralytic, "Son your sins are forgiven."
But some of the scribes were sitting there and reasoning in their hearts, "Why does this man speak that way? He is blaspheming; who can forgive sins but God alone?"
Immediately Jesus, aware in His spirit that they were reasoning that way within themselves, said to them, "Why are you reasoning about these things in your hearts? Which is easier to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven'; or to say, 'Get up, and pick up your pallet and walk'? But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins" - He said to the paralytic, "I say to you, get up, pick up your pallet and go home."
And he got up and immediately picked up the pallet and went out in the sight of everyone, so that they were all amazed and were glorifying God, saying "We never have seen anything like this."
In our season of waiting, I feel like The Lord is saying to me, "Which takes more faith and glorifies Me more?
-'I will heal you and restore this...trust Me'?
or
-'Here's a job'?"
God has authority to do both. But one requires far more faith. God could have gotten us out of this season long ago. He is God. But that wouldn't have grown Jason and I. It wouldn't have required a strengthening of faith. And no one would have been watching us to see how God will heal this.
And as I was writing this story from the three different gospels, I was stretched even further.
For some reason we assume God's will for our lives will be easy. And while it certainly is 'easier' than living outside of His will, no one said it's 'easy.' The whole story of digging through the roof to lower a paralytic into a crowd is not an 'easy' act of faith. Imagine carrying a grown man, on a stretcher, through dusty, crowded streets to see Jesus. When you get there, the place is packed; you can't even get yourself through the door, let alone a stretcher. Most guys would have looked at each other, over the stretcher, given the 'oh well' nod and turned around to go home. Not these men of faith. They decided to climb up on the thatch roof, WHILE CARRYING A STRETCHER!!! Then they dig through the roof, somehow lower the man down (I'm assuming with rope someone had to go find somewhere), and hope that they could get him near Jesus. I'm sure this was no easy task. But they had faith. It must have taken hours, but they knew if they were patient they could make this work and they had faith that Jesus would heal their friend. And we're not talking about healing a scrape or bruise or headache. No. These men were asking the Son of Man to restore a PARALYTIC! That takes great faith.
Although not the same, waiting for God to take us out of this season in our family is not an 'easy' act of faith.
In both Luke and Mark, people were "reasoning" in their own minds and hearts. And Jesus asked them, "Why are you reasoning in your hearts?" Luke 5:22/Mark 2:8 Jesus would say this to me. "Christie, why are you trying to reason all of this in your heart?" My reasoning falls short as a human and can only see the obvious, in-front-of-my-eyes, way of doing things. Sure, God could just give Jason a job. But by saying, "Trust Me," there is greater faith and non-human reasoning involved. All three passages speak of God's authority to work out His will - and He does. Only God has the power and right to heal our situation.
When I look at the symbolism that further ties this story to our life, I am filled with joy and hope. The paralytic man was not alone. He was "carried by four men." (Mark 2:3) Throughout all seasons of my life, and especially those that require great faith, I have never been alone. Obviously, God has always been with me. But He has always placed friends and family and fellowship around me. This season is no exception. And these people often carry me when I am too weak and paralyzed to walk on my own. Praise God for those who "carry our pallets!"
And finally, I am extremely excited by the last part of this chapter of the story. Jesus says, "I say to you, get up, pick up your pallet and go home." (Mark 2:11) And when the man immediately did this, both he and all those who witnessed this were glorifying God!
God will say "It's done. Your sins are forgiven. You are healed. Take your things and go to your (new) home." So much of this season has left me feeling paralyzed. But God will use His authority to say, "Get up, pick up your pallet and go home." He will say this to Jason and I. And when He does, others will see this chapter in the story and will glorify Him with us!
I'm reading in the book of Matthew this morning. It's the gospel I had really been studying a few months ago and then got called to other parts of the Word. This morning I was drawn back. I'm in chapters 8-9 today. Something really caught my attention - as if Jesus was speaking right to me. (This is a passage I always pause at, but today it really struck me.)
Matthew 9:2-8 is the story of Jesus healing the paralytic. Jesus' words to the witnesses always makes me pause and today they seem to be spoken to me.
Jesus: "Take courage, son; your sins are forgiven."
Scribes: "This man blasphemes."
Jesus: "Why are you thinking evil in your hearts? Which is easier to say, 'Your sins are forgiven' or to say 'Get up and walk?' But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins" - then He said to the paralytic, "Get up, take your bed and go home."
...when the crowds saw this, they were awestruck, and glorified God,...
In Luke 5:18-26
v. 22 But Jesus, aware of their reasonings, answered and said to them, "Why are you reasoning in your hearts? Which is easier to say, 'Your sins have been forgiven you,' or to say 'Get up and walk'?"
...(the paralytic) went home glorifying God.
v. 26 They were all struck with astonishment and began glorifying God; and they were filled with fear saying, "We have seen remarkable things today."
In Mark 2:1-12
v. 2 And many were gathered together, so that there was no longer room, not even near the door; and He was speaking the word to them. And they came, bringing Him a paralytic, carried by four men. Being unable to get to Him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above Him; and when they had dug an opening, they let down the pallet on which the paralytic was lying.
And Jesus, seeing their faith said to the paralytic, "Son your sins are forgiven."
But some of the scribes were sitting there and reasoning in their hearts, "Why does this man speak that way? He is blaspheming; who can forgive sins but God alone?"
Immediately Jesus, aware in His spirit that they were reasoning that way within themselves, said to them, "Why are you reasoning about these things in your hearts? Which is easier to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven'; or to say, 'Get up, and pick up your pallet and walk'? But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins" - He said to the paralytic, "I say to you, get up, pick up your pallet and go home."
And he got up and immediately picked up the pallet and went out in the sight of everyone, so that they were all amazed and were glorifying God, saying "We never have seen anything like this."
In our season of waiting, I feel like The Lord is saying to me, "Which takes more faith and glorifies Me more?
-'I will heal you and restore this...trust Me'?
or
-'Here's a job'?"
God has authority to do both. But one requires far more faith. God could have gotten us out of this season long ago. He is God. But that wouldn't have grown Jason and I. It wouldn't have required a strengthening of faith. And no one would have been watching us to see how God will heal this.
And as I was writing this story from the three different gospels, I was stretched even further.
For some reason we assume God's will for our lives will be easy. And while it certainly is 'easier' than living outside of His will, no one said it's 'easy.' The whole story of digging through the roof to lower a paralytic into a crowd is not an 'easy' act of faith. Imagine carrying a grown man, on a stretcher, through dusty, crowded streets to see Jesus. When you get there, the place is packed; you can't even get yourself through the door, let alone a stretcher. Most guys would have looked at each other, over the stretcher, given the 'oh well' nod and turned around to go home. Not these men of faith. They decided to climb up on the thatch roof, WHILE CARRYING A STRETCHER!!! Then they dig through the roof, somehow lower the man down (I'm assuming with rope someone had to go find somewhere), and hope that they could get him near Jesus. I'm sure this was no easy task. But they had faith. It must have taken hours, but they knew if they were patient they could make this work and they had faith that Jesus would heal their friend. And we're not talking about healing a scrape or bruise or headache. No. These men were asking the Son of Man to restore a PARALYTIC! That takes great faith.
Although not the same, waiting for God to take us out of this season in our family is not an 'easy' act of faith.
In both Luke and Mark, people were "reasoning" in their own minds and hearts. And Jesus asked them, "Why are you reasoning in your hearts?" Luke 5:22/Mark 2:8 Jesus would say this to me. "Christie, why are you trying to reason all of this in your heart?" My reasoning falls short as a human and can only see the obvious, in-front-of-my-eyes, way of doing things. Sure, God could just give Jason a job. But by saying, "Trust Me," there is greater faith and non-human reasoning involved. All three passages speak of God's authority to work out His will - and He does. Only God has the power and right to heal our situation.
When I look at the symbolism that further ties this story to our life, I am filled with joy and hope. The paralytic man was not alone. He was "carried by four men." (Mark 2:3) Throughout all seasons of my life, and especially those that require great faith, I have never been alone. Obviously, God has always been with me. But He has always placed friends and family and fellowship around me. This season is no exception. And these people often carry me when I am too weak and paralyzed to walk on my own. Praise God for those who "carry our pallets!"
And finally, I am extremely excited by the last part of this chapter of the story. Jesus says, "I say to you, get up, pick up your pallet and go home." (Mark 2:11) And when the man immediately did this, both he and all those who witnessed this were glorifying God!
God will say "It's done. Your sins are forgiven. You are healed. Take your things and go to your (new) home." So much of this season has left me feeling paralyzed. But God will use His authority to say, "Get up, pick up your pallet and go home." He will say this to Jason and I. And when He does, others will see this chapter in the story and will glorify Him with us!
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